do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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