Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
