I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
