um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
