we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
