Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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