Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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