omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
