You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
