After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
