i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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