YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
