Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
