I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
