that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
