I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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