Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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