someone get that fucking seahorse.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
