wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
