His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
