Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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