You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
