The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
