I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
