is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
