Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
