Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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