I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
