I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
