I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
