Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
