If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
