I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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