Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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