The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
