after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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