My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
