good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
