Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
