You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Are we still banned from the library?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
