and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
