:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
