i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
