Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
