Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
