I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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