it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
