great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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