Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
