You're a womanizer and a bitch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
